Science Quiz for Students in Kansas Public Schools

1. How much time did it take for the creation of the universe and all the plants and animals?

   (a) 5 days.
   (b) 6 days.
   (c) 7 days.
   (d) 40 days and 40 nights.

2. All heavenly bodies revolve around:

   (a) the Earth.
   (b) the Moon.
   (c) Kansas.
   (d) the Kansas Board of Education.

3. The first humans were called:

   (a) Homo erectus.
   (b) Homo eroticus.
   (c) Adam and Eve.
   (d) Fred, Wilma, Betty, and Barney.

4. Charles Darwin was a bad person because:

   (a) he didn't believe in the Bible.
   (b) he studied for the clergy for two years but dropped out to go on a 5-year cruise.
   (c) he married his cousin.
   (d) all of the above.

5. Natural selection is:

   (a) hair coloring.
   (b) a brand of granola.
   (c) an organic grocery store in Topeka, Kansas.
   (d) an herbal alternative to a drug.

6. The biggest problem with the theory of evolution is that it:

   (a) contradicts the word of God.
   (b) takes too long.
   (c) doesn't explain the existence of good and evil.
   (d) all of the above.

7. The Big Bang is:

   (a) another name for the celebration of Independence Day.
   (b) a Mafiosi expression meaning "to kill someone."
   (c) a pornographic movie.
   (d) all of the above.

8. The age of the universe is:

   (a) 7 days.
   (b) 40 days and 40 nights.
   (c) 6,000 years.
   (d) all of the above.

9. People who don't believe in the Bible's view of Creation are called:

   (a) heathen scum.
   (b) the devil's helpers.
   (c) scientists.
   (d) all of the above.

10. Write a 2 page essay on "How we know the Earth is flat."

1. (a) It took 5 days for the creation of the universe and all the plants and animals. If you answered "b" (6 days), you were probably thinking of the time it took to create the universe, the plants, the animals, and the people.

2. (a) All heavenly bodies revolve around the Earth. If you answered Kansas, you were partially right since Kansas is the center of the Earth.

3. (c) The first humans were called Adam and Eve. If you answered "d" you've been watching too much TV. If you answered "a" or "b" you should wash your mouth out with soap.

4. (d) Charles Darwin was a bad person because of many things. He was basically a rotten evil person.

5. (d) Natural selection is the term used when someone chooses an herbal medicine instead of a drug made by Satan-worshipping scientists.

6. (d) The problem with the theory of evolution is all of the above: it contradicts eyewitness reports of God, who was the only one present at the time of creation. It also takes too long and doesn't explain why there would be good and evil.

7. (a) The Big Bang is another term for a Fourth of July party. If you answered "c," we will notify your parents.

8. (c) The age of the universe is 6,000 years. If you answered "d" (all of the above), you are logic-impaired and need to take remedial math classes.

9. (d) People who don't believe in the Bible's description of Creation are called many bad names including heathen scum, the Devil's helpers, and scientists. These names all mean the same thing.

10. The answers will vary for this essay question on "How we know the Earth is flat", but all should include the following points:

    (a) It's the way it's described in the ancient teachings.
    (b) Columbus was mistaken in thinking he'd sailed to India -- it was really just some islands off the coast of America.
    (c) The earth sure looks flat in Kansas.